I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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