ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
