hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
