I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
