I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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