Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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