She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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