I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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