I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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