So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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