I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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