good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
