its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
