I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
