My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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