I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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