Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
