I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
