winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
