UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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