that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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