What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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