help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
