Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
