perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
