Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
