I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need a beard to bite.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
