What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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