Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You are the jesus of drinking
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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