kristin has been a bad kristin
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
