Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
