my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
