I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
