you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
