I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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