Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
are you so shy because you have an std?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
