so let's talk penis.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
