i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
