there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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