I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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