Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
