She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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