Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
