Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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