someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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