I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
