My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
