you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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