Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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