somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This house was built for laser tag.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
